Sunday, April 17, 2005

Optimism? Hrmm..

Well, I'm feeling a bit better than I did previously. I think I'm going to rescind a few of my earlier ideas, but I'm thinking a bit more clearly than before.

1) I'm not guaranteeing I'm done with Bands. I'm saying it's likely that I am, but if I do return, I'm going to be the biggest drunken lech of all time. It'll be fun to be around and not be in charge again.

I'm not sure why I started numbering this, but I'm not going to continue.

I have an exam in 11 hours, and I'm feeling like I *might* be okay for it. It'll be a race to get all the material in in time, but I've covered half of it in about 7 hours so far, so as long as I can stay productive, I'll be alright! Tuesday's exam, however, will be another story. Oh well.

Wish me luck Greenhorn. You're the only one who reads this.

And for today's token image, a very cool view of Skydome (fuck the Rogers Centre)



It's been an interesting week for a few reasons. I'll get into my Walkhome rant later, as well as my 'broken glasses' rant and my 'damned 303 instructor' rant.

BOOOOORT!

Friday, April 15, 2005

What's this, an update? It's not too inspiring, so don't worry.

So yeah, I've finally decided to vent somewhere. I'm glad not too many people read this, because this is going ot be pretty depressing.

I have no idea what I'm doing here. I've wasted five years, only to likely drop out without a degree. For some reason, I just can't make myself sit and work for more than a half hour at a time, if that much. It's really frustrating because I know I have to do the work, and I know my future is depending on how I do here, but I just can't do it. It's really weird. I want to do well. I want to make those I know proud to know me. I want to make my parents proud of me. I sit down, and bam. I'll stare at the wall instead of working (Yes, I know this is a diversion, but it's a somewhat productive one).

I've discovered that I need to get nearly 100% on my upcoming ecology final to get into honours next year. That's if I can convince my lab instructors to let me hand in my two late labs without penalty, and that's going to depend on whether or not someone at counselling services decides that I'm a nut or not. Here goes nothing.

On one hand, I don't want to be crazy. On the other hand, I want to pass these courses and get on with my life. because of that, I've decided to take the following actions.

1) I'm done with Queen's Bands. I hate myself for doing this, but there's no way I can do it again next year and not suffer. Plus, it's time to move aside and let someone else have their fun. I've been there long enough, and while I'll miss it like you wouldn't believe (and I hope it misses me), I think it's time.

2) I'm putting myself through from here on in. My parents have provided for me so far, and I'm making as much cash as I can this summer to pay my way from here on in. If this means taking a year off so I can make more money, so be it. I'm tired of being a drain on someone else.

3) I'm going to be seeing someone on a regular basis. There's way to much inside me to just sit on it and dwell. I need to vent to someone regularly. I might be nuts, but I'm gonna do it. So whoever you are, get ready to be yelled at, cause it's gonna be fun.

I'm sure there are other things I could do/give up, but those are three big things I need to do.

This has been a pretty heavy entry, and my first one in a long time. Because I dont' like to burden anyone too much, please enjoy this picture of me in a disturbingly inebriated state with a friend making a funny face.


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and with that, I depart thee verily. Wish me luck!

Beam me up, God.

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